Narcissist Recovery Therapy: Healing After a Narcissistic Relationship
You may have been in a relationship with a narcissist if you’ve been living with doubts about reality for months or years, walking on eggshells, or feeling ‘crazy’ when you realize there’s something very wrong. Narcissist recovery therapy is a dedicated kind of therapy that will assist you to understand what happened, to mend the damage to your self-trust, as well as to reconstruct your life to feel like your very own.
We assist those recovering from narcissistic relationships at Go Beyond Talk Therapist with clients throughout Midland, Monroe, Concord, Indian Trail and Mint Hill, North Carolina, and more. Ending an affair isn’t the sole component of narcissistic abuse recovery. It’s about clearing up the confusion and self-doubt and guilt that results from narcissism, and in most cases, even after the relationship has come to a close.
What Is a Narcissistic Relationship, Really?
Narcissistic relationships are not typically what people think they look like. Typically there is no one big event to point to, it’s the erosion of confidence, identity and normalcy over time. Common patterns include:
Gaslighting – saying you are remembering or feeling something incorrectly or too intensely
Love bombing followed by devaluation – lots of love and affection followed by criticism, coldness, or withdrawal
Blame-shifting – no accountability, though it may be obvious for what they did
Triangulation – comparing oneself to others to stir up jealousy or insecurity
Conditional affection – love and approval that is lost when you put up a boundary or assert a need
Public charm, private cruelty – a partner/parent who is charismatic to others, but very different when he or she is alone
If you hear these patterns, this isn’t your imagination and you are not the only one who hears them. Narcissistic relationship recovery counseling is a thing that exists because these dynamics are actually damaging, and are having a measurable psychological effect on the lives of the people involved – but they may not be obvious to those on the outside looking in.
Why Healing From Narcissistic Abuse Is So Difficult Alone
The vast majority of people attempt to work it out on their own before forming a relationship with it, in part because they think it wasn’t that bad, or no one will believe them. However, narcissistic abuse causes a type of wound which is not easy to untangle without the help of others:
Chronic Self-Doubt
Many survivors have lost their ability to trust their own judgement after being repeatedly told that their feelings were ‘too much’, ‘wrong’ or ‘invented’. Even minor, minor choices in the relationship feel overwhelming long after you’re separated.
Trauma Bonding
The arc of love and violence builds a very strong emotional bond that can be addictive. This is why there are so many people who survive the abuse of someone they love and who keep coming back to it over and over again.
Hypervigilance
Survivors may remain in a hypervigilant state for an extended period following the breakdown of their relationship, and may feel threatened in healthy relationships, healthy situations.
Identity Loss
Especially in Narcissistic relationships, there is an erosion of interests, opinions, and friendships that can occur over time. It is very common for many clients to report feeling as if they don’t know themselves outside the relationship.
Isolation and Shame
Narcissistic abuse is often invisible to the victim, and it can be difficult to recognize because it is not necessarily physically harmful, survivors may feel shame for staying, and their friends and family may not know that something is amiss.
That’s where a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist comes in handy: to support and affirm to you that what occurred to you was correct, that your thoughts were valid and that you have a strong base to stand upon.
How Narcissist Recovery Therapy Works
Narcissistic abuse recovery therapy stands apart from the typical talk therapy. It demands a therapist with a grasp of the unique psychological dynamics associated with narcissistic relationships – relationship conflict in general does not suffice. Recovering from addiction at Go Beyond Talk Therapist usually involves:
Validating and Naming What Happened
Most survivors have not had anyone corroborate their suffering and actualization. Listening to the patterns and identifying them is a crucial and first step in healing that helps eliminate the cycle of self-blame, including gaslighting, triangulation and manipulation.
Rebuilding Self-Trust
During therapy, you will learn to reengage with your perceptions, instincts and choices, which are things that are often being undermined in your narcissistic relationships.
Processing Grief
Leaving a bad relationship comes with a cost – it’s the loss of the relationship, of a different one that you would never have had, or even, in some cases, a parent or family member that will never change. Grief work is part and parcel of narcissist recovery counselling.
Addressing Trauma Responses
Many survivors have symptoms of trauma such as anxiety, hypervigilance, and lack of trust in others that can be addressed with trauma-informed approaches such as EMDR or somatic based techniques, along with traditional talk therapy.
Setting and Holding Boundaries
Therapy offers tangible strategies for setting boundaries and negotiating them well, even when some connection is needed (co-parenting, family, work) – such as using gray rock strategies and carefully structured communication.
Rebuilding Identity and Confidence
As treatment advances, more attention is paid to the recovery of interests, values, and goals – those areas that may have been lost during the relationship.
Signs You May Benefit From Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Counseling
Consider reaching out if you recognize any of the following:
- Frequently question one’s own memory or understanding of events
- You take blame for another person’s anger, moods, behavior
- Someone has repeatedly told you that you are too sensitive or too much
- You’re unable to make decisions without outside verification
- On edge or anxious in low conflict situations
- You find yourself missing or defending someone who is treating you badly
- You’ve fallen out of touch with friends, hobbies, or aspects of yourself
- You are co-parenting or are in contact with someone who is narcissistic and wants ways to deal with it
If a few of these speak to you, narcissist recovery therapy holds the promise of assisting you step beyond survival into true healing.
What to Expect in Your First Sessions
Narcissistic relationship recovery counseling’s initial few sessions will emphasize knowing your story without judgement or pressure to ‘move on’ too quickly. Please be prepared for your therapist to ask you these questions:
- Any history and pattern of the relationship, not the most recent events
- What impact has the relationship had on your confidence, relationships and functioning?
- Current contact (co-parenting, family events, work; whatever)
- Sleep, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, physical symptoms
- How safe and secure your life feels at the moment
After that, you and your therapist will create a program that fits your needs and goals, such as recovering from a new breakup, recent entanglement, or an experience that happened years ago that is still impacting your life.
You Don't Have to Minimize What Happened
One of the most frequent statements made by a survivor after the initial sessions is some form of the saying, “Maybe I’m overreacting. It’s only natural that you might think you aren’t worthy if you’ve been told for years that your feelings were not important or that they don’t count. One of the efforts made in narcissist recovery therapy is gradually challenging that instinct – not to prove to you that it’s wrong, but to allow you to begin to trust your own experience again.
Recovery from a narcissistic relationship is not predictable, and healing doesn’t proceed in a linear fashion. If you are dealing with a romantic relationship, a narcissistic parent or family estrangement, there is help and you are not alone.
Start Narcissist Recovery Therapy With Go Beyond Talk Therapist
For more than 45 years, Phil DeLuca, LCSW, has worked with adults recovering from narcissistic relationships in individual therapy in Midland, Monroe, Concord, Indian Trail, and Mint Hill, North Carolina, and online therapy across the state. Sessions are confidential, judge-free and are tailored to fit your needs – not a program.
When you are ready to start healing, contact us for a free 15-minute consultation to discuss how recovery may look for you.
Most Asked Questions About Narcissistic Recovery Therapy
This is because self-doubt is common in narcissistic relationships – and that’s why it can be hard to count on intuition. A positive side about using a therapist who knows how to work with someone who has been abused by a narcissist is that they will be able to give an unbiased view, will make no judgements and will validate your memories of what occurred.
Yes. A large part of what is so helpful for narcissistic relationship recovery counseling is helping them establish practical boundaries and communication plans when it isn’t feasible to keep them in a total state of no contact, such as in the case of co-parenting or the family unit.
Most clients start to have great shifts in self-trust and emotional stability by about 8-12 sessions, and additional healing and materialisation of identity and trauma may take longer.
No. If one partner has narcissistic characteristics, it is not advised for couples therapy as it can perpetuate manipulation patterns in the relationship. Narcissist recovery therapy is personal therapy with emphasis on your recovery and healing, not what the other person does or doesn’t change.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse can also happen in parent/child relationships. Therapy will help you to explore patterns from childhood, patterns and relationships in your current family, and lifelong effects on self esteem and relationships.
Some therapists combine trauma-informed methods with psychotherapy, particularly when the client is exhibiting trauma symptoms such as hypervigilance or intrusive thoughts. Your therapist will customize the treatment according to your symptoms and history.
Yes. Online therapy is also a highly effective avenue for narcissistic abuse recovery, providing additional privacy and flexibility that serves the special needs of those still resolving issues of safety and contact with the abuser.
