Affair Recovery Counseling in Midland, NC
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Affair Recovery Counselling: Restoring Trust and Healing Hearts in North Carolina
Having discovered that your partner was unfaithful, you may find yourself having the rug being pulled out of you. Nothing makes sense. You are not sleeping, cannot concentrate and you are not sure whether you are grieving or enraged or because of both.
It is quite understandable to react that way, and it is called by name. Infidelity has now been known by researchers to be a betrayal trauma, with symptoms almost similar to PTSD: intrusive thoughts, emotional flooding, hypervigilance, and a broken sense of reality.
Phil DeLuca, MSW, LCSW has spent over 45 years helping couples in Midland, Concord, Monroe, and across North Carolina survive infidelity — and, in many cases, come out the other side with a stronger marriage than they had before. His approach is grounded, direct, and built for the reality of what couples actually face after an affair.
Can a marriage survive an affair?
Yes — and more often than most people expect.
Studies indicate that 60-75% of the couples remain united after learning about an affair. That number increases substantially in case both partners are devoted to professional counseling. According to a survey conducted by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, (2012) of couples that sought therapy following infidelity, 74% were able to heal and reestablish their relationship.
Phil DeLuco, MSW, LCSW spent more than 45 years helping couples in midland, Concord, Monroe, and across North Carolina to overcome infidelity, and in most instances, come out with a stronger marriage than the previous one. His approach is realistic, direct, and focused on the reality on what the couples face after an affair.
Not every marriage counseling is affair recovery. It is highly specific trauma work – and a therapist with infidelity experience, not just relationship issues. This work is precisely what Phil DeLuca has been doing in over forty years.
Signs you may be experiencing betrayal trauma
Most individuals do not know that they are experiencing a trauma reaction after an affair. When any of these ring a bell, you are not alone – and these are the very things that Phil assists couples in dealing with:
- Obsessively replaying the discovery moment or imagining what happened
- Alternating between wanting to fix the marriage and wanting to leave
- Sudden waves of intense anger, then numbness, then grief
- Difficulty trusting anything your partner says — even things unrelated to the affair
- Physical symptoms: insomnia, loss of appetite, inability to concentrate
- A deep sense that your entire history together was a lie
- Shame or self-blame — asking yourself what you did wrong
These aren’t signs of weakness. They’re signs that something real was broken. And they can be healed.
How affair recovery counseling works with Phil DeLuca
The three-phase structure of the affair recovery approach offered by Phil is designed. One cannot do without either of them: couples that attempt to jump-start stages or those that deal with a therapist who moves too swiftly are the ones that tend to stall out or even end up separating.
Phase 1 — Crisis stabilization
Preventing the bleeding is the first priority. During the immediate post-discovery period, the emotion level is such that effective communication is nearing impossible. The initial task of Phil is to come up with just enough safety and structure so that the two partners can start processing what has gone on without the sessions becoming long drawn-out arguments that only aggravate the situation.This phase also involves making the critical decision: are both partners willing to try? There is no judgment either way. But that question has to be answered honestly before real work can begin.
Phase 2 — Understanding and accountability
It is the most challenging step, and the step most therapists fail at. It is not aimed to blame or redo everything about the affair. It is to truly know what has occurred the weaknesses in the relationship, the decisions made by the wayward partner, and what the two individuals must have to proceed further. Phil makes one thing clear: the betrayed partner never is the cause of the affair. Infidelity is a choice. It is not about forgiving but making sure that it will never happen again by investigating the why.
Phase 3 — Rebuilding trust and intimacy
Good faith does not come at once. It reestablishes at miniature levels of openness, steadiness, and follow-through - with time, patience on the part of the two partners. During this stage, Phil assists the couple to reconstruct communication, deal with the underlying patterns that predisposed the relationship to trouble and labor towards a different manifestation of the marriage where both lovers have decided to be. Most of the couples that go through this process report that their marriage is closer and more honest than ever after they recover after their affairs.
Emotional affairs count too
Not all affairs are physical. Emotional affairs – where one of the partners develops a strong romantic bond with a person outside the marriage and in most cases not through physical interaction can be equally devastating to the one betrayed.
It has been found that most couples evaluate emotional affair as harmful as much as physical one is and in some cases more harmful as the emotional intimacy, which should be shared within the marriage, is provided to someone.
Phil takes couples through infidelity, in all its variations, emotional affairs, internet affairs, long-term relations which lasted years without being discovered.
What if my spouse won’t come to counseling after the affair?
This is a situation that Phil finds himself in most of the times, and this is the situation that he has developed his practice to solve.
The cheating partner would be too embarrassed to meet with a counselor. The cheated partner can be the one who is not ready to give it a go. In any case, Phil would be able to work with you individually.
His book, The Solo Partner, is the only resource written specifically for people trying to save their marriage when their partner won’t engage. And his UnTalk™ Therapy method is built on the insight that one motivated person can change the dynamic of an entire relationship — even without the other partner in the room.
If you’re the only one willing to try, that’s enough to start.
Online affair recovery counseling in North Carolina
Phil has protective telehealth sessions that are provided to couples and individuals in the entire state of North Carolina. Online affair recovery counseling is particularly useful in the following circumstances:
- You and your partner are not yet ready to be seen together in public or at a therapist’s office
- Work schedules make it difficult to attend sessions together in person
- One partner travels for work and sessions need to happen remotely
- You want to begin individual sessions before deciding whether to include your partner
Online sessions involve the same streamlined practice as visits to the office. Confidentiality is the same as privacy. The majority of insurance programs covering in-person therapy extend to telehealth.
You can also learn more about Phil’s online therapy services here.
Ready to take the first step?
Affair recovery is hard. But it is possible — and the earlier you start, the better your chances of building something real on the other side.
Phil DeLuca is available to talk to you all day and all night, so you can get a free 15-minute phone consultation to get your questions answered and determine whether his approach would work or not in your situation. No pressure. No commitment. Every first call is answered by Phil himself.
Office: 10850 Sam Black Road, Suite B, Midland, NC 28107
Phone: (704) 890-8112
Email: delucalcsw@gmail.com
Hours: Monday-Friday, 8:00am-6:00pm
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Frequently Asked Questions About Affair Recovery
It takes most couples 6 months to 2 years to go through the true recovery not only to cease fighting, but to restore some true trust and intimacy. At the end of your first session, you will be realistically assessed by Phil. It is not short cuts but there is a definite way up.
It is the question that is most prevalent and the hardest to solve when it comes to affair recovery. Complete disclosure is normally linked to the improved long-term results, although when and how the information is distributed is extremely important. This is precisely the type of question that Phil guides couples through the process of – the point is to be honest in the process of healing and not to be honest in the process of re-traumatizing.
Yes – in dozens of couples, entirely. Rebuilding trust is a process that develops over time and not by promises or merely a talk. Through proper counseling, the wounded partner will be able to arrive at a stage where the infidelity is a thing of the past, and not of the present.
Both. Phil works with the couple jointly, as well as with one of the partners separately. The disloyal spouse tends to bring his own suffering shame, guilt, confusion, to himself which must be resolved to make the recovery real. The wronged partner might require some personal room to deal with anger and grief without having to handle the responses of his or her partner.
Yes. Phil accepts most major insurance plans. Call (704) 890-8112 before your first appointment to verify your coverage. Self-pay rates are also available.
