Does Marriage Counseling Actually Work? What the Research and Success Rates Show

In case you’ve increasingly caught yourself in the identical exact arguments in marriage, or both you and your husband or wife are simply stuck in an unfulfilling relationship, you’ve possibly discovered yourself asking yourself: Does marriage counseling work? Although it’s a fair question. Therapy is time, finances and emotional energy and no one wants to put an investment into a thing that will not help. The good news is that research provides a fairly clear answer and it’s more positive than most may expect.

In this article we’re going to explore what research shows when it comes to success, we’ll try to determine why some couples seem to experience a quicker benefit than others, and what to do if one couple member isn’t interested in counseling.

Does Marriage Counseling Work? The Short Answer

Yes, marriage counseling works for most couples that commit to the process. There are many good empirical studies indicating that structured therapy leads to significant increases in relationship satisfaction, relationship communication and quality of emotion. The Journal of Marital and Family Therapy suggests that approximately 70% of couples report achieving a positive result from Counselling and as many as 90% claim to feel better emotionally as a result of the process.

But success does not always mean the fact that the couple remains together forever. Sometimes things are more successful when they’re healthier communication. In other instances, it implies two persons move aside without a lot of friction and better understanding. Both are steps forward-it’s one thing to have years of simmering disagreements.

Marriage Counseling Success Rate: What the Research Shows

The marriage counseling success rate depends upon the method employed, and the point at which a couple may seek counseling. Some of the uniform conclusions from studies are as follows:

• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) has been demonstrated with the biggest success rates – 70-75% of distressed couples are ushered into recovery while almost 90% of Eminem members report improvement.
• The traditional behavioral couples therapy tends to yield improvement for 35-50% of cases, and a greater likelihood of relapse over time.
• With positive communications in place, despite the complexities of the relationship, almost 98% of couples report that they were happy to very happy with the entire counselling experience.

These figures are of significance but do not tell the whole story. The outcome is determined by a skilled therapist, the correct approach and the willingness of both partners to take part. That’s one of the reasons we spend half of our marriage counseling services time on pinpointing specific patterns that lead to conflict, before giving generic relationships advice.

How Well Does Marriage Counseling Work? A Look at the Numbers by Approach

So just how effective is marriage counseling over doing nothing at all? Couples that end up going through the structured therapy end up better off than the 70 to 80 percent couples that never get therapy, according to research, regardless of the outcome of the therapy.

This type of therapy is important, as well. Couples who employ evidence-based techniques, as opposed to settled relationships that simply “talk it out” experience quicker, more enduring change. This is one of the reasons that some counseling does not seem to work when it is just a general discussion, and the pattern-focused counseling methods work better for couples who find themselves in a cycle of repetitive conflicts.

Why Is Marriage Counseling Needed?

Countless couples wait too long to inquire for assistance. The study by The Gottman Institute indicates that it takes about six years for couples to enter counseling after difficulties arise. Usually by this time, there’s resentment growing and communication is more of a habit.

As many couples are not adept at ending the vicious cycles on their own, they need marriage counseling. An expert therapist can identify any pattern of recurring fights which may be anything from follow-up to withdrawal, unhealed trust problems, or basic communication errors. If you aren’t sure whether your relationship is in this cycle, we have a blog dedicated to breaking the pursuer-distance cycle, which discusses one of the most frequent cycles couples get into.

How Often Does Marriage Counseling Work? Session Frequency and Outcomes

In terms of consistency, how often is marriage counseling successful? There is a clear trend, as per research, more structured and consistent sessions, better outcomes. Most couples attend 11-12 sessions on average, but when the results are the best, as in studies with better results, there was an average of 20-26 sessions over several months.

Lack of regular attendance and learning at different times slows learning. At times, therapy is like physical rehabilitation. A few sessions may temporarily relieve some symptoms, but a consistent and dedicated program will create a lasting change most couples are after.

Why Does Marriage Counseling Not Work? Common Roadblocks

Unfortunately not all couples can receive marriage counseling benefits and knowing why can spare you of the same pitfalls. Some common explanations for why therapy doesn’t seem to be making progress are:

• One partner is already checking out from the relationship mentally, and is there as a courtesy prior to separation.
• There are serious problems that haven’t been resolved, for example, substance abuse, mental health problems, or infidelity.
• The couple suppressed resentment and made it grow into a hatred for one another.
• The therapist and approach is not working well for the particular couple.

In none of these instances are these situations necessarily hopeless. Many can be resolved in targeted ways including through affair recovery counselling or a structured ‘High Conflict Situation’ system developed exclusively for the particular relationship.

Does Marriage Counseling Work If Only One Person Goes?

This is a commonly asked question by couples and the answer is really positive. If one of the two people only goes to marriage counseling, will it work? In many cases, yes. Even if one partner is unwilling to attend therapy, individual therapy can help change the dynamics of the relationship. Often a person’s responses, communication style and emotional reactions to things will change because of the person they are close to, even if they’re not in the room.

That is exactly what Phil DeLuca’s book The Solo Partner addresses – consists entirely of relationships where one person won’t perform this traditional counseling role. It’s more than a couples therapy and has made positive changes for many people without the aid of a couples’ therapist.

Does Marriage Counseling Work After Separation?

The end of a relationship doesn’t mean the beginning of the end. Can marriage counseling really help after Divorce? Yes, that’s the case for many couples, particularly if both people are a bit willing to find out what went wrong. In fact, a style of counseling known as discernment counselling emerged in response to the exact situation of “mixed couples” with one party desiring reconciliation and another party desiring divorce, and in which couples are given the opportunity to understand before arriving at a decision.

The study, recently published in Journal of Marital and Family Therapy outlines that this brief companionship can assist couples to get to a place of more advancement and devotion, be that reconversion, or divorce with less struggle. If you’re in this phase, our divorce counseling and adjustment support services can assist you to find clarity regardless of which direction you are going in.

Is Marriage Counseling Effective? Signs Therapy Is Making a Difference

The effectiveness of marriage counseling is not always immediately apparent. It’s usually present in small, manageable steps. Therapy can show improvement with the following indications:

• Concessions come more easily and discussions are not so confrontational
• Both partners listen, rather than waiting to speak
• Rumblings of old resentments occur less frequently in new conflicts
• Sessions leave a little bit easier on both sides, even when it’s difficult to have a conversation.

After trying for a few months and not seeing any of these signs, consider reevaluating the approach instead of expecting that counseling isn’t effective. At times, the technique must be adjusted, rather than the efforts of the couple. Our article on signs your couples counselor may be sabotaging your progress has more detail on this.

Can Marriage Counseling Save a Marriage?

Is there hope for marriage counseling to patch up this broken relationship? Often, yes, especially if both partners know or feel the other does know or feel that the outcome is important, although they may differ on how to achieve it. Studies are always consistent, and couples who are committed to the whole process, attend regularly and remain open to changing their own behavior get the best outcomes.

A breakthrough conversation is not sufficient to save a marriage. It occurs with regular, directed practice in alternative ways of communication, like structured couples therapy aims to develop.

Getting Started With Marriage Counseling in Midland, NC

There are no rules, no right ways, no wrong ways; all relationships are unique. Having spent more than 45 years and helped heal the relationship for over 600 couples and individuals, Phil DeLuca has a practical, non judgmental technique to help repair the relationship when both are ready-or only one person is ready to initiate the healing process.

When ready, you can make an appointment for a free 15-minute consultation or view the success stories from previous clients to see how successful transformations can start to look.