Navigating a Career or Empty-Nest Transition: When to Seek Support

Life doesn’t always give you time to make changes when you’re feeling ready. On one hand, you’re immersed in what you know, you’ve worked there for years, the house is filled with children and noise and just like that, it’s gone. A new job title. A vacated hall down the hall. The floor seems a bit softer. If this resonates with you, you are not alone, it’s not something that you are supposed to solve on your own. Life transition counseling is formulated to meet the exact needs of such times-when change is real, valid, disorienting, even when there is no “problem” to solve.

Here are a few examples of career changes that individuals in North Carolina may be experiencing that we work with at Go Beyond Talk Therapist: Empty nests, retirement, relocation, divorce, career changes and more. In this article we’ll explore what constitutes a life transition and why they can be so powerful, what makes career and empty-nest changes so difficult and how you can listen to your inner voice and watch for signs that you would like to receive support during life transitions.

What Is a Life Transition (and Why Does It Feel So Hard)?

Life transition is any significant event that alters your day to day, your sense of self or your purpose for life. Life changes don’t always involve bad things – when you get promoted, marry, or when your youngest child finally heads up the college can be just as upsetting as a job loss, the break-up of a marriage, etc., as it demands you to redefine yourself in role shifts or without the familiar routine.

Major life changes tend to shake three things at once:

• Identity – What do I do with my life when this role, job, or daily responsibility ends?
• Routine – How can my day ever be the same again?
• Connection – Who can I connect to, lean on or spend time with now?

It is normal to experience anxiety, demotivation, irritability and a strange sense of numbness when all three are happening. It’s in that very place where counseling for life transitions is useful, not because something needs to be fixed, but because this is a big change and it needs real assistance and not one based on willpower.

Career Transitions: More Than Just a New Job

From a layoff to a long overdue resignation, a demotion or a major promotion, there are several things that happen when you make a career change, and more than pay goes on the line. It’s very easy for many people to become identified by their job, team or their sense of competence, without realizing it.

Career change therapy can tackle a lot of the uncovered issues related to a career change which are not detailed within a CV:

• Loss of identity & regular time structure
• Worry about beginning again or falling behind
• Grief about a given career path that was not the desired exit
• Burnout that has been accumulating over a long period of time, before the transition
• Worrying about not doing well in a new position or field

If stress has been building for some time prior to the transition – even before the actual transition itself – it is worth considering further discussion of the stress. We’ve gone a bit more in-depth on the topic of work related stress in this guide to stress management therapy for professionals in North Carolina – which would complement this form of support with work transition.

Empty Nest Transitions: When the House Goes Quiet

The day a child gets ready to leave home, for college or to live on their own is sad in so many ways for parents – maybe even more in the afternoon. This is the essence of empty nest syndrome and it is so widely experienced – and so healthy – as to be underestimated by many.

When utilized correctly, empty nest counseling usually deals with the following:

• An abrupt change in purpose or rule for the day
• Misery of a fulfilled fatherhood or maternity chapter that is closed
• Changes in marital relationships, when the routine of parenting is eliminated
• Issues of self identity – “Who am I when I am not involved in active parenting?
• When the house was once occupied, but now it is empty

A common scenario in empty nest syndrome therapy is that not only does it have an impact on the parent, but it also has an impact on the relationship between partners. When the family settles, unexpressed relationship dynamics or feeling distant, may become more apparent. If you’re experiencing tension, withdrawal, or a low mood that is surfacing between you and your spouse at this time, our article titled: Is Depression ruining your marriage? provides much insight into how emotional strain in big life changes can compromise a relationship without you realizing it.

How Do You Know You Need Life Transition Counseling?

It’s not just crisis situations that warrant support. Indeed, people who seek life transitions counseling are merely seeking to adapt to a change in a more affirming and grounded perspective. Nevertheless, here are some indications that may mean it’s time to talk with somebody:

• Experience some anxiety, restlessness or “on edge” for no good reason
• Your sleep, appetite or energy level has altered
• A sense of disembodied self or without usual sense of identity or purpose
• Very small choices seem to be a whole lot harder than they should be
• You’ve noticed there is more stress in the relationship or family
• You’re conscious instead of thinking about the future because it seems too risky
• Family and friends have commented that you are being different these days

If two or more of these resonate to you, support through life changes can help you experience stability again before it feels like it’s harder than it has to be.

How Life Transition Therapy Works

Life transition therapy is not about what is happening next, it’s about providing the room to process what is happening, and developing true tools that can help you to move through it with confidence. The life transition therapist will assist you with your life transition in doing the following:

1. Recognize the impact of the transition on your thinking, feeling and doing
2. Mourn, be unsure or experience a loss of identity related to change
3. Minimize anxiety about the future
4. Consolidate routines, confidence and sense of control
5. Enhance communication between a partner and or family experiencing the same transition

Therapy at Go Beyond Talk focuses on solution-based, forward-looking interventions, but also incorporates emotional work, often based on practices from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). This is more of a new way to do talk therapy rather than traditional, open-ended types of therapy, and we explain the difference between Life Transitions Therapy vs. Traditional Counseling: Which Do You Need?

A good life transition counselor is not only a listener; rather, helps you see life change as a transition not a thing to be talked over.

Life Transitions Therapy for Anxiety: Breaking the Cycle

Anxiety is a common symptom of major life changes and can be a vicious circle. An uncertainty of the future could cause anxious thoughts, and anxious thoughts can lead to physical stress, making it even more difficult to make clear decisions – and the cycle repeats.

Anxiety life transitions therapy is about breaking that circle; you will help yourself break that circle by:

• Recognize anxious thought patterns that are related to the transition in particular
• Discuss and distinguish between realistic concerns and worst-case thinking
• Develop coping responses to uncertainty – don’t avoid
• Find a level of control in what you can influence, regain

This is the case particularly with career and empty nest transitions, which are each transitions to an unknown future faced without a script.

When Career Change and Empty Nest Happen at the Same Time

When career changes and empty-nest changes come at the same time – often in the same year – many people in their 40s and 50s find it difficult. A child departs college just as a shift, layoff or retirement in a career happens. Two or more big transitions at once can take a toll on the emotional burden.

If this is the case, it is particularly important that you don’t dismiss your emotion. Navigating life transitions in a way that allows for professionally guided layers of change is ideal for this type of change. A detailed explanation of what this process exactly entails can be found in our What Is Life Transitions Therapy? article. (Or How it is Not the Same as Traditional Talk Therapy)

When to Seek Support: Don’t Wait for a Breaking Point

One of the misconceptions is that people think that therapy is only for when things go wrong. The reality is that the ideal time to begin life transition counseling is frequently before a crisis occurs – before someone is at their breaking point, when their energy and clarity is still intact enough to help them develop new coping mechanisms.

If it might be worth considering:

• This change has occurred fairly recently and you have not come to terms with it yet
• Understands that another transition is coming and prepared for it
• You have been pushing for weeks month without a break
• The change is impacting on your relationship, sleep or ability to function in your daily life
• You just want a place to do some writing without judgement

The process of moving into the transition period can be hard or confusing, but there are some other situations, like losing your job, moving houses, or losing a loved one, on our page about distressing life transitions that have some other support that can help make things less difficult.

How Go Beyond Talk Therapist Can Help You Move Forward

Phil DeLuca, LCSW is a compassionate and structured life transition counselor with Go Beyond Talk Therapist, for people throughout North Carolina facing career changes, empty nesters, retirees, divorcees and other significant life changes. Both in-home sessions in Midland, NC and secure online therapy sessions to clients across Charlotte, Raleigh, Durham, Concord and beyond are available.

Read more about our approach here, on our Life Transitions Therapy in North Carolina page, or if flexibility and remote access is most important to you at the moment, explore virtual life transitions therapy.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t have it all worked out when you ask your questions. Typically, most clients begin with a discussion – a dialogue of one-two but without any pressure or predetermined plan. Book a confidential consultation today, and take the first step, to make things easier and more sure for the next period of your life.